The ugly truth about bullying in our schools
As the parent of the two children who were involved in last week’s incident at school I could give a whole list of emotions that I have had to deal with recently: shock, anger, disbelief and frustration being top of the list! I am not the type of parent to run around fighting my children’s …
As the parent of the two children who were involved in last week’s incident at school I could give a whole list of emotions that I have had to deal with recently: shock, anger, disbelief and frustration being top of the list!
I am not the type of parent to run around fighting my children’s battles for them, and they’ve been in school for five years now and this is the first instance I’ve actually been to the school and I sincerely hope this will be the last, as this time I decided enough is enough! It is time to take a stand and fight back – I’m sorry that my children had to be hurt in this process, but if I can just make an example out of this one incident, it just may make the Department of Education, the school, teachers, parents and children start taking notice and a stand in zero tolerance towards bullying and violent behaviour among our children!
This is not about badmouthing anyone, but rather about all pulling together to ensure the safety of all our children! No parent wants to see their child hurt or in pain, so we are the ones that need to do something about it!
It’s about time society started looking within and teaching our children (from a young age) for every action (good or bad) there is a reaction! And if unacceptable boundaries are crossed, there are serious consequences!
When something like this happens immediately one wants to blame someone. If I look at the bigger picture, I would have to say it comes down to taking responsibility and facing consequences for actions – those of us, the parents and our children!
In my eyes there are a few loopholes that are not being addressed and which I have witnessed and experienced.
Where does it start? At home and in nursery schools. Where does it end? The Department of Education.
I believe that a lot of our nursery schools should be the ones that should start jacking up on the way in which they manage the children at a young age! In today’s day and age practically all homes have both working parents and single parents that have no choice but to hand their children over to the care of day cares and nursery schools and crèche’s!
This is where children spend most of their impressionable years and I have only but looked in shock and horror at a lot of what goes on! “Stop tattle tailing”, “hit him/her back” “oh just go play” “go away I’m talking/busy” are just some of the fundamental stages set for children not being heard and for learning unacceptable behaviour!
A lot of the young/old ladies employed at these establishments are very often ladies that are out of work with problems themselves, and they then reflect their issues and/or bad values on our children, as to them it’s just a job! With nursery schools it’s all about money, firstly paying unqualified staff, at meagre salaries (without properly checking on background and history), as caregivers or child minders as it’s a cheap way of saving money, and secondly, I have it on good stead that in most of these places the staff are instructed to keep quiet and not inform the parents of incidents, and to “make out” that everything’s okay and sorted out, with the belief that parents will be upset with them and remove their children. This of course results in loss of money.
This is where many a wide-eyed young baby/child learns that hitting, biting, kicking, pinching, fighting stealing, breaking, teasing, taunting and swearing seem to be the norm and that it most often goes unpunished! Young children will try these behaviours, however if they’re observed, handled and dealt with properly, they will soon learn this is unacceptable behaviour and they should be taught to tell and not keep quiet! They will learn that all of these are not okay!
Occupational therapists should be employed/deployed to each and every establishment once a week to monitor and deal with any children presenting with problems, so that by the time the child is of school going age good values, morals, interpersonal skills have been instilled as well as any problems, be it from homes or mental health issues, have begun to receive the appropriate treatment and help.
Parents – learning begins at home. When children go out and start mixing with others, the parents are the ones that should be enforcing that bad behaviour, being nasty or violent is not okay. When children carry out violent acts, say nasty things or do nasty things to others – this is a behaviour that is learnt. The child is copying someone or something.
Parents are allowing their children to witness ways of verbal or physical abuse either in the home environment or even from TV or games, then the parents are to blame for their child’s actions and they either need to be big enough to ask for help or to correct their children’s wrongs! Maybe parents need to be more educated on what is acceptable behaviour?
Gone is the day where your child tells you “Johnny hit me” and your immediate answer is “well hit him back!” Are parents aware of this? In days gone by maybe that answer was sort of acceptable as the parent feels their child should stand up for themselves, however nowadays your child has to understand that it is not okay to lift your hands to another person! It is not okay to call people ugly names or say nasty things – in the real world this is called abuse!
It would be correct that our children are sent to school to receive their education and not spend our teachers and schools valuable learning time trying to bring up our children! Having said that, however schools must then have systems in place for when these instances do happen.
Back to The Department of Education for implementing this taking all loopholes into consideration and closing them. Teachers must be more attentive to listening and being more observant of the children and everyday “incidents” should be reported either in writing or verbally to create awareness among staff or children being bullied and those that are bullying!
Quick timeous action will save a lot of unnecessary time consuming hurt if they are addressed it ASAP! Furthermore, a system should be introduced whereby an independent person could be brought in (daily/weekly) that children could go to and voice any stealing, verbal abuse, physical abuse or damage to property and be heard. Or possibly even a system whereby they can write about instances – either way, as long as they are heard! Responsibility and consequences should then rest with the parents. Schools are not responsible for students’ behaviour, however they are responsible for keeping children safe and happy while learning. When parents drop their children off at 7:30 they are no longer under their parents’ care ,they then fall under the care of the school, and sadly this is where everything goes wrong! A system of zero tolerance with consequences against bullying and violence has to be strongly implemented with parents taking responsibility.
In closing – when one becomes a parent it is a responsibility that is to be taken seriously. Our children don’t come with a manual, but deep down inside we all know what is right and what is wrong, and it begins with us! If your child is in the wrong, then we need to be big and ugly enough to tell them and rectify their behaviour with consequences. If it is our child who is the brunt of another child’s behaviour, it is also our duty as parents to listen to our children and to take the necessary steps to ensure that the other child’s parents are responsible for their child’s behaviour.
At the same time we shouldn’t have to accept that our children are being called fat, ugly, smelly, four eyes, b**, funny names or sworn at, nor should we accept that its okay for our child to be kicked, punched, tripped, hit and the worst one smashing a girls face into a tap when bending to drink water by other girls. What about breaking school cases, pencil cases, other property? What about possessions being stolen? Perpetrators need to be punished!
If I, as a parent, was informed that my children were responsible for such disgusting behaviour and acts, I would be horrified, but I most definitely would see to it that they were served a suitably harsh punishment!
Enough is enough
