How to be an extra special parent
Nothing can buy the happiness of knowing that, through your children, you have made a difference in the world.
TO BE an amazing parent is not easy. It does not come with a handbook. Still, it pays off and is incredibly important if you want your children to succeed and be good people. Here are the essential qualities that make an extra special parent.
1. Know when to let go
You need your child to be independent some day and able to solve their own problems. It’s easier to “rescue” them from discomfort by doing things for them, but this is wrong. Encourage your child, from a young age, to do things for themselves, such as getting dressed, preparing cereal and doing their hair. Let them learn responsibility by making mistakes and learning from them. This will make them confident, capable and independent.
2. Maintain a strong marriage
Children are greatly affected by their parents’ marriage. Parents who are happy are effective and consistent in their methods, patient and more attentive than parents who are unhappy and stressed. Children look up to their parents’ relationship and it will influence their own relationships as they grow older. When observing how their parents interact with each other, children learn how to get along with others and resolve conflict. When they see their parents kiss, they feel happy and secure.
3. Make time for fun
Special parents are playful and know how important it is to play with their children. Playing means embracing the joy of a child’s world and sharing it with them. Peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek teach them attachment. Fantasy play lets them explore who they want to be. Playful wrestling and ball games build their physical confidence and teach them cooperation and athletic skills. Through play, children deal with life’s hardships. For child and parent, playing will forge a deep, important and lasting connection.
4. Know how to say no
Many parents find it tough to be firm with their kids. They threaten with rules and consequences, but don’t follow through with them. As weird as it may sound, children crave limits and real rules. If they don’t get them while they’re young, they’ll look for them elsewhere when they’re older – from their collective peers to the rules set by pop culture. This is when good kids act out – trying drugs and alcohol, having sex at a very young age and lying without guilt. So, while children are still young, parents are responsible for asserting their authority consistently, with conviction. At the same time, they must balance strictness with support and empathy, and always make clear their expectations of how their children are supposed to behave.
5. Be a good role model
The key to raising a child with character is to be a person of character yourself. The most effective way to instill values is to be a strong role model. A lifetime spent with a kind adult creates another kind adult. Demonstrating genuine sensitivity to your child’s feelings instills empathy in him or her. Values do not come from a textbook – children learn values long before they can read or write, anyway. Values are taught during everyday life and ordinary interactions.
6. Show them endless love
No skills in parenting can substitute for a mother’s and father’s committed, attentive presence. Show them love through affection – kisses for your toddler, or a reassuring smile for your teen. Be their source of security, comfort and encouragement. Spend a lot of quality time together, develop strong family rituals and enjoy the quiet moments too.
Being a special parent pays off sublimely. Nothing can buy the happiness of knowing that, through your children, you have made a difference in the world for the better.
References:
Jane Nelson, John Gottman, Lawrence Cohen, Ron Taffel, Elizabeth Berger, William Doherty – www.parents.com
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